The Bigger Picture: A Good Investment

On this Holiest of Weeks...

I've been reading a lot lately. I've been reading more blogs and I'm feeling inspired to try and write better; I'm hoping to eventually write in such a way that each post is more essay-like, in that it would be centered around a theme (so serious!). That being said, it's about the process and I'm still looking towards the bigger picture.

I have been facing the darkness during this darkness of Lent. I am a grad school reject. What would grad school have done for me, besides stretching my intellect and making me feel accomplished? Well, it would have (potentially) been an investment in my career (future, not current...waitressing doesn't really require a whole lot of investment besides buying several ugly, masculine white shirts and some good starch).
So, in light of this particular investment being cut short, my fiance and I have decided to look into purchasing our first home. Since we will not be wandering across the country, we can put down some roots here and start a family sooner. That's nice. I like the idea of having a big kitchen with lots of counter space, and painting the inside of my (our) house all sorts of bright and pretty colors. I also like the thought of being preggo and having some children wandering around the house.

Being rejected has allowed me the freedom to focus more on the changes that are going on right now, and to invest more into my future husband, home, and family. That requires far more emotional risk and investment than studying some esoteric themes in literature (though I do dearly love those themes).

So, besides the obvious "oh, there's always a silver lining," or "God has other plans for you," I think what I'm learning from this present state of affairs is that in the bigger picture of life, that I'm changing direction but not my destination. I will be travelling through some different countryside than previously planned, and I'm okay with that.

The universe is humming a little louder. I've managed to finagle my work schedule so that I can attend all of the Holy-day services (Thursday, Good Friday, Saturday vigil, and Easter morning). The investment into going to church is really paying off in magical, musical, and colorful ways. While I cannot paint with all of the colors of the wind, God can, and it's inspiring me to work harder.