A Different Church

I went to a lot of services this past Holy Week, and I feel content for having done so. I feel closer to God, and I feel like I am more focused on the light.

So, full of the light and joy that came from a beautiful and moving Saturday Vigil service, I got up very early the next morning to go to an Easter service at my future mother-in-law's church. It was unlike anything I'd ever seen before.

First off, the church that she goes to is in an affluent area, and the church itself is very large (and Protestant, but it's not your "typical" church, as you will see here shortly). The church I go to regularly is smaller, is in a pretty rough neighborhood, and doesn't have a free shuttle service.

So, I was prepared for a "multimedia experience" in a large, rich church. When I got there, it was very sterile, very bright, and very clean and modern looking. The room where the service was held was much like a movie theater (same kind of seats- very comfy) facing a large stage. On either side of the stage was a large projection screen. A professional worship band took the stage and sang 3 or 4 songs while the words were projected onto the screens, and everyone stood and watched. Next, a young man (I'm used to seeing very old priests) in jeans and a express-looking shirt came out and introduced himself and said his welcomes. Then, a fairly young man (dressed similarly trendily) came out and gave a comedic performance, with short bible verses and religious themed ideas sprinkled in. To finish, more worship band singing.

It was a very feel-good sort of a service. There was some lead-public prayer...but besides that, there was nothing really sacred about it. It lacked any ceremony or ritual, something I have come to love and lean upon in the Catholic church. When we stand up during a Catholic mass, there's a reason. We are giving reverence to something, whether that be the reading of the Gospel by the priest, or the procession of the cross. At the other service, we stood up so that we could clap or sing along with a band. It was very foreign, and very strange.

All that being said, I'm glad that that particular service exists because some people just love it, and feel a genuine emotional response, and leave feeling closer to God. That's great for them, it's just not my cup of tea. It did make my future mother in law very happy to have us with her at the service, so that was nice.

I'm looking forward to going to regular old Mass this Sunday. I never imagined when I first started the RCIA less than 3 years ago that Mass would one day feel so familiar, so comforting.

The Bigger Picture: A Good Investment

On this Holiest of Weeks...

I've been reading a lot lately. I've been reading more blogs and I'm feeling inspired to try and write better; I'm hoping to eventually write in such a way that each post is more essay-like, in that it would be centered around a theme (so serious!). That being said, it's about the process and I'm still looking towards the bigger picture.

I have been facing the darkness during this darkness of Lent. I am a grad school reject. What would grad school have done for me, besides stretching my intellect and making me feel accomplished? Well, it would have (potentially) been an investment in my career (future, not current...waitressing doesn't really require a whole lot of investment besides buying several ugly, masculine white shirts and some good starch).
So, in light of this particular investment being cut short, my fiance and I have decided to look into purchasing our first home. Since we will not be wandering across the country, we can put down some roots here and start a family sooner. That's nice. I like the idea of having a big kitchen with lots of counter space, and painting the inside of my (our) house all sorts of bright and pretty colors. I also like the thought of being preggo and having some children wandering around the house.

Being rejected has allowed me the freedom to focus more on the changes that are going on right now, and to invest more into my future husband, home, and family. That requires far more emotional risk and investment than studying some esoteric themes in literature (though I do dearly love those themes).

So, besides the obvious "oh, there's always a silver lining," or "God has other plans for you," I think what I'm learning from this present state of affairs is that in the bigger picture of life, that I'm changing direction but not my destination. I will be travelling through some different countryside than previously planned, and I'm okay with that.

The universe is humming a little louder. I've managed to finagle my work schedule so that I can attend all of the Holy-day services (Thursday, Good Friday, Saturday vigil, and Easter morning). The investment into going to church is really paying off in magical, musical, and colorful ways. While I cannot paint with all of the colors of the wind, God can, and it's inspiring me to work harder.