I've been thinking a lot lately about ways to integrate my faith practice with my life. It is really challenging to turn away from distractions and towards religious pursuits. I would love to one day have daily habits that I don't think twice about doing. I am a creature of habit, of ritual, yet I am so easily swayed by impulses that lead me away from establishing routines. I have accepted this.
These are things I would like to eventually do everyday:
1. Floss my teeth
How this relates to my faith: this mundane activity is very good for my dental health, and by taking care of my body, I am affirming that I, as one of God's creatures, am worth the love and effort.
2. Read some part of the bible everyday
How this relates to my faith: Well, I've never made it through the whole thing (I have made it through Deuteronomy) so I feel completely out of touch when people make biblical refereces. I feel almost hypocritical calling myself a Christian, when I haven't even read this fundamental text.
Integration: I'm planning on acquiring the Bible on CD, so that I can listen to it in chunks while breast-feeding, since I will hopefully be doing a lot of that very soon.
3. Pray the rosary
How this relates to my faith: I really do love praying the rosary, and I even got a chaplet so that the task is less daunting (5 decades is a lot for me in one sitting). I really prefer to spend 10-15 minutes on a shortened version where I am more focused, than to have a 30 minute stretch of distracted prayer. I am hoping that in building up my prayer endurance, I will eventually graduate to saying the whole rosary in its original form. Until then, I am enjoying communing through directed prayer and meditation.
Integration: I generally wake up before my husband in the mornings, so I'm hoping to just make this part of my morning ritual: I'm hoping that by starting the day off with prayer, that I will be more inspired to continue with good intentions throughout the rest of the day.
4. Prayer before meals
How this relates to my faith: I currently don't say grace before meals, and do not often sit at the table to eat. I think that by returning my attention to giving thanks at meal times, that food will become more nourishing and will give me pause for thought of how I am using that energy throughout my day (am I engaging in activities that strengthen or weaken my faith?).
Integration: My husband and I have a common goal that our children will eat around the table for meals, because of the unifying benefits it has in building a sense of familial support and strength. Whether or not we say grace out loud, or just take a moment to pause before diving into dinner, I think this should be fairly easy to start practicing (especially once my baby is born and in a high chair- no eating in the living room with the TV on).
These are my goals. These are small activities, but I am hoping that in making them as simple as possible, that I will have success and can build from there. All I can do is try my best, and to remember that God is always waiting patiently with open arms for me to turn towards Him from all my distractions.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Fear and Control
There are always a hundred reasons to pray. I will list a small number of things I could pray for just in this moment: soldiers recently indicted for tortue, victims and the families of victims who have been tortured, my husband, my baby, peace (in general), my mother's continued good health, my brother, my extended family members, my marriage, and so on.
I find one of my major gumption traps to praying the rosary is that it takes a long time (shame on me! but, in an effort to recognize obstacles I accept the fact that half an hour seems like a lot of time to focus on praying). Solution? I bought a chaplet, which is simpler, and takes half the time to make it on a round of beads. Result? No increase in prayer frequency yet.
The night before my most recent ultrasound, I was plagued with anxiety, thoughts about what might show up on the scan: possible defects, missing limbs, soft markers for Down's etc. Of all the times to pray, to reconnect with God, to put my trust in Him, that was the time. Yet, I could not bring myself to pray for even ten minutes.
As I lay in bed that night, awaiting sleep to come upon me, I thought about why I was still hesitant to pray, despite the huge emotional and spiritual benefits that can be gained by handing up our problems to God. FEAR. It turns out that praying involves giving (imagined) reins over to someone else and admitting that we mere mortals have absolutely no control over the ultimate course of our lives. Yes, I could go out right now and buy a milkshake instead of going to the gym, but I cannot control my health or my unborn child's health. While it's difficult to open myself to receiving God's love at times, trusting God (and others in general) is even more mightily difficult.
The ultrasound went really well, and I am greatful...so very, very greatful. I hope to learn to trust, so that I can survive with sanity as my baby gets bigger and eventually makes an appearance in this world.
I find one of my major gumption traps to praying the rosary is that it takes a long time (shame on me! but, in an effort to recognize obstacles I accept the fact that half an hour seems like a lot of time to focus on praying). Solution? I bought a chaplet, which is simpler, and takes half the time to make it on a round of beads. Result? No increase in prayer frequency yet.
The night before my most recent ultrasound, I was plagued with anxiety, thoughts about what might show up on the scan: possible defects, missing limbs, soft markers for Down's etc. Of all the times to pray, to reconnect with God, to put my trust in Him, that was the time. Yet, I could not bring myself to pray for even ten minutes.
As I lay in bed that night, awaiting sleep to come upon me, I thought about why I was still hesitant to pray, despite the huge emotional and spiritual benefits that can be gained by handing up our problems to God. FEAR. It turns out that praying involves giving (imagined) reins over to someone else and admitting that we mere mortals have absolutely no control over the ultimate course of our lives. Yes, I could go out right now and buy a milkshake instead of going to the gym, but I cannot control my health or my unborn child's health. While it's difficult to open myself to receiving God's love at times, trusting God (and others in general) is even more mightily difficult.
The ultrasound went really well, and I am greatful...so very, very greatful. I hope to learn to trust, so that I can survive with sanity as my baby gets bigger and eventually makes an appearance in this world.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Holy Thursday
Lent is almost over. It seems to have gone by in a flurry of activity. I have been working on many home and craft projects with all of my "extra time" (sans TV shows). I know that it will be hard to resist watching TV again, but I've really enjoyed not watching it. I have been spending my time on more valuable pursuits, like walking my dogs so that they are less resistant to the leash someday.
I love the Triduum. I went to the Holy Thursday mass tonight, which ended with the candles being extinguished and the altar stripped. The services in the Triduum are always the most moving and beautiful, I find. There was the display of humility and service tonight in the feet washing, and tomorrow night there will be the veneration of the cross, with the climactic candle-lit vigil on Saturday night and the completion of the initiation process for the catechumens. I really enjoy each one.
I don't really have much to say, but that I am thankful to be a part of such a wonderful church, and that I'm able to get these nights off work to go to these services. I am ready to move and be moved, to love and be loved.
I love the Triduum. I went to the Holy Thursday mass tonight, which ended with the candles being extinguished and the altar stripped. The services in the Triduum are always the most moving and beautiful, I find. There was the display of humility and service tonight in the feet washing, and tomorrow night there will be the veneration of the cross, with the climactic candle-lit vigil on Saturday night and the completion of the initiation process for the catechumens. I really enjoy each one.
I don't really have much to say, but that I am thankful to be a part of such a wonderful church, and that I'm able to get these nights off work to go to these services. I am ready to move and be moved, to love and be loved.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Giving Things Up
I don't know if it's just traditionally a "Catholic thing" to give up something for Lent, or whether or not it's just a modern thing that folks do in addition to fasting on certain days during the season. In the past, I've given up soda and/or coffee. I've had problems over-consuming soda in the past (I have awful cavity-ridden teeth), so it's been useful to give it up just for the purpose of being healthier. However, being healthy isn't really the point of Lent is it?
The homily from this past Sunday was about allowing God to carve away at us, to strip away the things that are not really "me," in order that I may become more like Christ and grow closer to God. The priest referenced the Jeremiah quote about the potter's wheel to drive home this idea. We give up things during Lent that we should probably go ahead and give up altogether. We should give up something that interferes with our relationship to God, or prevents us from being good people.
When I gave up soda the first time, I remember on Easter going down to the grocery store across the street from my apartment to pick up a delicious cold something or other. I stood in front of the rows of cold sodas and thought, "Maybe I should just stay quit." This thought was fleeting, as I chose the unhealthy, I chose a delicious Vanilla Coke. I constantly make choices that are less healthy, the wrong choices. I choose to sleep in instead of getting up and getting a head start on the day. I choose to not brush my teeth at night (sometimes). On some Sundays, I choose to sleep in instead of going to church. I constantly put other things before my faith.
This year, since pregnancy has forced me to give up many unhealthy foods and beverages already, I decided to give up watching TV shows. This was a casual decision, but I am really enjoying the results. I feel as if I have so much extra time, and more energy, and that I'm getting more done. It could just be the pregnancy hormones, but my house has never been cleaner or tidier. I've been emptying the dishwasher the same day I run it (this is no small thing for me), I have been washing pans the same night I use them (mostly). Spending this "extra" time a little more intentionally, I feel happier and I feel more content. Since I'm being more productive, I feel less edgy about the level of cleanliness in the house, which means I'm a much nicer person to be around (I hope). I may just quit watching TV for good, in the name of doing more of the things that I really enjoy...and I hope that in so doing, I am somehow moving closer to God.
The homily from this past Sunday was about allowing God to carve away at us, to strip away the things that are not really "me," in order that I may become more like Christ and grow closer to God. The priest referenced the Jeremiah quote about the potter's wheel to drive home this idea. We give up things during Lent that we should probably go ahead and give up altogether. We should give up something that interferes with our relationship to God, or prevents us from being good people.
When I gave up soda the first time, I remember on Easter going down to the grocery store across the street from my apartment to pick up a delicious cold something or other. I stood in front of the rows of cold sodas and thought, "Maybe I should just stay quit." This thought was fleeting, as I chose the unhealthy, I chose a delicious Vanilla Coke. I constantly make choices that are less healthy, the wrong choices. I choose to sleep in instead of getting up and getting a head start on the day. I choose to not brush my teeth at night (sometimes). On some Sundays, I choose to sleep in instead of going to church. I constantly put other things before my faith.
This year, since pregnancy has forced me to give up many unhealthy foods and beverages already, I decided to give up watching TV shows. This was a casual decision, but I am really enjoying the results. I feel as if I have so much extra time, and more energy, and that I'm getting more done. It could just be the pregnancy hormones, but my house has never been cleaner or tidier. I've been emptying the dishwasher the same day I run it (this is no small thing for me), I have been washing pans the same night I use them (mostly). Spending this "extra" time a little more intentionally, I feel happier and I feel more content. Since I'm being more productive, I feel less edgy about the level of cleanliness in the house, which means I'm a much nicer person to be around (I hope). I may just quit watching TV for good, in the name of doing more of the things that I really enjoy...and I hope that in so doing, I am somehow moving closer to God.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Door Knockers and the Homeless
A few minutes ago, a minivan pulled up in front of my house. I might not normally have noticed such a thing, except that I happened to be by my kitchen window washing dishes, and my dogs alerted me to potential visitors.
Six well-dressed folks poured out of the van and started walking around. Jehovah's Witnesses. Two women came to my door and read me a short bible verse. God wants us to be happy and at peace. I let them leave a couple of magazines with me, and then they left. I sure don't mind a well-meaning person reading me some scripture, wishing me a good day, and departing. I always try to be as polite as possible to door-knockers of all forms, because I know that many people prefer to just slam the door in peoples' faces (how rude!).
I really am not a fan of evangelicism. Not a bit. However, I believe in the power of the words of the bible being spoken aloud, and it was quite a nice midday reminder of God's love. These particular people, along with missionaries, are doing what they can to be witnesses to God. They believe that one way of doing this is sharing the good word. I can respect that, whether or not I'd choose to do it myself.
The other night I went to KFC right before they closed (late-night craving, what can I say?). I held the door for a man lugging some chicken wings and a suitcase, and he said "God bless you." This man was probably homeless- he had an unopened can of beer on him, and had clearly been imbibing some already, and was dragging his belongings around him in not such a nice place in town. What if he deeply meant this? Someone who, on many unknown levels, has seemingly not been blessed can still warmly wish well upon others. I thought about this on my way home, in my warm car, to my house full of food that I was ignoring in preference to fast-food. I have been blessed in many apparent ways: all of my basic human needs are being met. I have a home, a job, an education (whether I'm using it or not in my employment...this is something I really need to get over), a family, and a loving husband.
Obviously, this man doesn't know any of this about me when he wished God's blessings upon me...The Witnesses today did not know that I already have God in my life and don't wish to join their church...But those things are irrelevant. In both scenarios, these people are being witnesses to God's love. They are wishing well upon others, wishing happiness and peace, despite (probably) being ignored by others and viewed as pests.
Six well-dressed folks poured out of the van and started walking around. Jehovah's Witnesses. Two women came to my door and read me a short bible verse. God wants us to be happy and at peace. I let them leave a couple of magazines with me, and then they left. I sure don't mind a well-meaning person reading me some scripture, wishing me a good day, and departing. I always try to be as polite as possible to door-knockers of all forms, because I know that many people prefer to just slam the door in peoples' faces (how rude!).
I really am not a fan of evangelicism. Not a bit. However, I believe in the power of the words of the bible being spoken aloud, and it was quite a nice midday reminder of God's love. These particular people, along with missionaries, are doing what they can to be witnesses to God. They believe that one way of doing this is sharing the good word. I can respect that, whether or not I'd choose to do it myself.
The other night I went to KFC right before they closed (late-night craving, what can I say?). I held the door for a man lugging some chicken wings and a suitcase, and he said "God bless you." This man was probably homeless- he had an unopened can of beer on him, and had clearly been imbibing some already, and was dragging his belongings around him in not such a nice place in town. What if he deeply meant this? Someone who, on many unknown levels, has seemingly not been blessed can still warmly wish well upon others. I thought about this on my way home, in my warm car, to my house full of food that I was ignoring in preference to fast-food. I have been blessed in many apparent ways: all of my basic human needs are being met. I have a home, a job, an education (whether I'm using it or not in my employment...this is something I really need to get over), a family, and a loving husband.
Obviously, this man doesn't know any of this about me when he wished God's blessings upon me...The Witnesses today did not know that I already have God in my life and don't wish to join their church...But those things are irrelevant. In both scenarios, these people are being witnesses to God's love. They are wishing well upon others, wishing happiness and peace, despite (probably) being ignored by others and viewed as pests.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Epiphany
There are two different priests who conduct mass at my local church, each with their own style. Father Steve, the older (?) of the two, has been doing most of the masses for the last few months (at least the ones I've attended). Father Steve is a major word-nerd. He very much enjoys the richness of etymology, and will often explain the historical, spiritual, and cultural significance of words that come up in the readings.
Today was no exception. Epiphany comes from an ancient Greek word meaning, 'to show.' This word (and its significance in The Epiphany) is expressed through the Platonic ideal that there are forms that contain a deeper significance that remain hidden to individuals until there is a moment of light when understanding is gained (an epiphany, if you will). That is to say, in such a moment one can see "how things really are." Good old fashioned metaphysics are at hand, here.
The classic example of an epiphany is "the moment of clarity" experienced by an alcoholic when he or she realizes that drinking has become a problem and it's time to quit. An epiphany calls for a fundamental lifestyle change. Even if the addict doesn't make a complete turnaround at that point, it's impossible to truly turn back and silence the understanding gained during that moment. That addict will know that the behavior is wrong, that it isn't healthy, and will not lead to anything good.
The epiphany of advent is that God is with us. Love is with us. Love is a force governing and existing in the universe, even in the face of evidence pointing to the contrary. There were over 2,000 emergency calls made in Manchester, England on New Year's Eve; 33 of those calls were to report stabbings. There is a shocking amount of violence in the world.
I've had "moments of clarity" in my life, several of them with the same epiphany. I don't think that the message I'm receiving is falling on deaf ears. I have not been as successful as acting on this message as I would have hoped, but I recognize that it is a slow, slow process. On different ocassions, I have realized that I do not show love to myself the way I do to others. I have, at different times in my life, engaged in self-destructive behaviors, while still maintaining friendships wherein I displayed great concern for the other person but very little for myself. I have come a long, long way to correct this, and realize that I am at a much healthier place now than I ever have been.
I go through phases of wanting to eat healthy, exercise daily, and do all sorts of very health-nutty things. Due to a recent event (which I will share in about a month), I have actually started working on this more actively. I have eaten brown rice and whole wheat bread today--something utterly unprecedented in my life! This recent event is still (mostly) rooted in loving another, but since I am also the benefactor of this caring and healthy lifestyle change, I will embrace it as a good thing.
Things really are good. God is with me. At any point, I can always pick-up, try again, and be healthy and wish goodness upon myself. I can show love towards myself by making healthy choices. I am excited for these small, good changes.
Today was no exception. Epiphany comes from an ancient Greek word meaning, 'to show.' This word (and its significance in The Epiphany) is expressed through the Platonic ideal that there are forms that contain a deeper significance that remain hidden to individuals until there is a moment of light when understanding is gained (an epiphany, if you will). That is to say, in such a moment one can see "how things really are." Good old fashioned metaphysics are at hand, here.
The classic example of an epiphany is "the moment of clarity" experienced by an alcoholic when he or she realizes that drinking has become a problem and it's time to quit. An epiphany calls for a fundamental lifestyle change. Even if the addict doesn't make a complete turnaround at that point, it's impossible to truly turn back and silence the understanding gained during that moment. That addict will know that the behavior is wrong, that it isn't healthy, and will not lead to anything good.
The epiphany of advent is that God is with us. Love is with us. Love is a force governing and existing in the universe, even in the face of evidence pointing to the contrary. There were over 2,000 emergency calls made in Manchester, England on New Year's Eve; 33 of those calls were to report stabbings. There is a shocking amount of violence in the world.
I've had "moments of clarity" in my life, several of them with the same epiphany. I don't think that the message I'm receiving is falling on deaf ears. I have not been as successful as acting on this message as I would have hoped, but I recognize that it is a slow, slow process. On different ocassions, I have realized that I do not show love to myself the way I do to others. I have, at different times in my life, engaged in self-destructive behaviors, while still maintaining friendships wherein I displayed great concern for the other person but very little for myself. I have come a long, long way to correct this, and realize that I am at a much healthier place now than I ever have been.
I go through phases of wanting to eat healthy, exercise daily, and do all sorts of very health-nutty things. Due to a recent event (which I will share in about a month), I have actually started working on this more actively. I have eaten brown rice and whole wheat bread today--something utterly unprecedented in my life! This recent event is still (mostly) rooted in loving another, but since I am also the benefactor of this caring and healthy lifestyle change, I will embrace it as a good thing.
Things really are good. God is with me. At any point, I can always pick-up, try again, and be healthy and wish goodness upon myself. I can show love towards myself by making healthy choices. I am excited for these small, good changes.
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